July 27, 2025

Currently listening to: Alaska - Maggie Rogers

11:32PM

It just turned to 11:33PM, and I'm most likely going to be longer than 1 mintue again. Today was a pretty chill day. Luke and I went down an instagram reel rabbit hole this morning, and I found two accounts that I'm pretty obsessed with. First, 50 dates / 50 states - apparently, it's this guy's third season doing it. It's an interesting concept and kinda more entertaining than the Bachelor. Second, howmusicismade (i think that's the account), and it shows how hit songs and artists make their songs. That was super cool, and it kinda inspired me to add something to my bucket list - I want to try to write a song one day. I remember in fifth grade my friend Emma and I would make songs. I played the guitar and she would sing and we both made a few songs! It's been about 20 years (wow... i'm old), since I last wrote a song, but hey, I'll give it a shot. I think songwriting and poetry could be similar. This is also kinda random (who would've figured me being random), but I'm kinda into tattoos again. I know one design for sure I would get, if I did get one, and I've also been thinking of getting little flowers on my fingers (sides of my fingers). If I ask myself, "what's holding me back from doing it?" There's probably a few things: (1) stigma? probably mostly from my parents, then my job (2) i'm really indecisive and what if i change my mind about them and then i have them forever (3) would it hurt??? Another random thing - my therapy 'homework' assignment is to think about what I want to talk about this week, and I really don't know what to talk about, so I guess we'll wing it???? My anxiety is lower, but I guess when I took one of the tests for depression it came back as 'moderate.' Tbh, I don't really know what that means. Those tests you have to take are kinda hard to answer, in my opinion. Example: it asks about if you have trouble sleeping too much or too little, and I've always slept a lot or cannot fall asleep until like 2AM, but does that mean I've been depressed my whole life??????????????????????? What if that's just the norm? Would it be weird if I asked my therapist questions to get to know them? Because I'll talk, I'll talk about anything and everything but doesn't mean I'll talk about anything of substance. Hmmm maybe I'll talk about bees and see how she reacts. Is that mean? I guess I don't want to waste her or my time, but I kinda don't want to talk about the real shit anymore. Hey, at least I get to go to one of my favorite places tomorrow :)